How Things Turn This Way?

It's funny how the events unfold the past few months. It started out with me being dreadful and complaining (which I really didn't like this side of me) to now thinking of staying back to my current job. Seriously, at one point I want to get out, and now I'm thinking of staying put although I am offered a new job. How lost can I be, really?!

The first 2 months were really like hell, to the point I wanted to break down. But right now, things started to pick up. I'm actually getting people to help me out, to ease my workload. And I'm also meeting up with fun, interesting people whom I would like to continue liaising with.

This kind of situation got me thinking to what do I want to do in life. I've been switching goals and targets, and am not focusing on one thing. Which right now, I'm lost at my age. It's quite pathetic in my own opinion.

I guess right now I would need guidance, especially from the Power Above. Tomorrow will be my D-Day where I'll be making my decision to which path I'm going to head on. And seriously, I would need that guidance tomorrow to let everything be smooth! Please!

Help Wanted

Everyday still continues to feel like going into the battlefield. And I am still waiting for the exit ticket. Each day I'm getting more tired than ever. And I just don't like this feeling at all. The longer I stay, the longer I find more loopholes in the company.

Firstly, it doesn't have a solid foundation to begin with. Secondly, I didn't quite like the people in it. Thirdly, the workload doesn't seem to lessen at all. Fourthly, no appreciation and I'm starting to do more unnecessary work. Yes, I am complaining right now.

Doing the work I do now without passion seriously kills the feeling of working. I feel dreadful to go to work, what more that I need to work during the weekends too. This is really not what I had signed up for. I'm starting to miss the capable me who previously had single-handedly managed a magazine, and was in control, being a senior level position. Today, I'm just in a junior position (not to say I care much actually) and doing all sorts of unrelated (I really feel so) work just because I'm asked to. As if I've got so much time on my hand that I can just leisurely do all those work. What the hell!

Dear God, here I am pleading you again to grant me the exit ticket. I know now that my passion is and will always lie in writing and thus, I'm pursuing that. Can you help me to move back to that path once again? I don't know how long more I can endure this tiredness of the mind and body that just made me more stress up and emotional. I want the capable and more happy me back! Will that be possible?

I miss my me time too! The time where I can happily follow all my dramas and idols. Right now, time is so limited that I just want to use it to sleep and rest!

Oh God, save me!

Aishiteru Tokyo!

I MISS TOKYO TERRIBLY MUCH!!!! WISH I CAN BE THERE NOW!!! :(

Work Battle

Going to work has now felt like going for battle. Everyday I'm like fighting to survive that one day. Seriously, how did it happened to be this way now? I really need a quick exit. I'm starting to feel dreadful going to work, and even now I'm dreaming about work! C'mon! I didn't quit my previous job to go through such ordeal. I'm looking for a better turn. So tell me, where do I need to turn now?

The power above. Looks like I'm starting to talk to You more often now. I really have a plan in mind. Why can't I go on with my plan? Is there a reason to it? Day by day can see so obvious I'm not enjoying work. In fact, it's making half of my day bad and I'm starting to get the... bothersome feeling in me. Whatever that I do, I feel it's not beneficial and it's so troublesome. I feel not worth doing the things I do. I know... the state of my mind is seriously getting more severe than ever!

Thus, I really, seriously, definitely need an exit, the soonest possible! Will my cry of help be heard?

Writer At Heart

I guess the reason why I turn back to blogging is because I didn't want to lose my writing skills. I want to continue to be able to write. After quitting being a writer for not that long, perhaps about a month+ only, I'm starting to miss writing. It is true that my passion is still in writing regardless of whether I'm good at it or not. I just love to write as I'll be able to convey my ideas and thoughts. And that makes me happy. :)

I'm still trying to be optimistic at work but yet... when comes Friday, I became emotional again. Probably it's just me where when I'm starting to dislike something, I'll be reluctant to continue doing it. I still try to push myself to accept the job as it is, but the workload was tremendous. I continue to feel burdened and at the end of the day, I just felt tired. And when I think the next day I need to go to work, to face the 101 incomplete work, it really gives me the irksome feeling. Previously, when I was working throughout the weekends and public holidays, and even occasionally late nights, I didn't feel as tired as I am now. Probably because at some point, I was still doing something I like - writing. But yet, I eventually called it quits because I found I wasn't as talented in writing as I want to be. As proof, no publishing or any related company wants to hire me when I wanted to change my job then. And I started to go into plan B.

However, before I can launch my plan B, it was backfired as a result of such a hectic job that I'm having now. Each time I'm doing such a strenuous task, I will tell myself that I didn't sign up for this at all. What the hell am I doing? When comes to time like this, I'll question myself thinking where my career life will head. Nothing seems successful. I started off doing what I like and eventually promoted to a senior level, but yet... it wasn't something I truly want. It wasn't something that I can say, I really love doing it. And now I'm thrown into this new line where the balance of work and life is barely visible.

Seriously, I have no intention of climbing the corporate ladder. I just want to do something I like and eventually can be good at it, and pays sufficiently. I'm not looking into being a millionaire or billionaire. I just want to be able to have enough money and time to travel around, to see what the world is like from the other side. And possibly, chronicle all that in my self-penned book. That's what I'm looking forward to. In the end, my passion still lies in writing after all. :)

Is all that so hard to achieve? Must working life gives you the bitter and none of the sweetness? I wish another road will be opened for me to head to my plan B. Will that be possible?

Early Suffocation

It certainly has been a long, long while since I blogged. What happen?

Well, many things have happened. The most major one will be... I quit being a writer. Although I have the passion in me, I just don't have the flair in it. I just can't be the best at what I'm passionate in. Funnily enough, isn't it?

Now I'm entering into something that's so new and foreign - marketing. When I first took on this job, I didn't know how much workload it will be thrown at me. But after working for about 8 days, I see the accumulation of workload. And today, it affected my emotion. My previous boss said was true. I am an emotional person in work. Especially when I'm so stress and being heavily burden by such a major workload, I just became so solemn and moody.

I actually felt suffocated. At this early stage. I thought I will be given the time to really learn and know how the marketing job works. Get to know what is what, where is where. But instead, I was given brief explanation here and there, and was straight on given to execute everything on my own. And seriously, I know shits! There are so many things that I don't know and just learning to know. It felt like I was just learning to walk, but now I'm expected to be able to run fast and jump high. Seriously, I am so incapable of doing that!

With this, I feel I'm disappointing my manager. I know I'm supposed to help lessen the burden. But looking at my situation now, I feel like I'm adding on more problems as I still don't know so many things and keep on asking and asking and asking. And I know how irritating it can be when you are so caught up with work and people keep on asking you left and right. Seriously, I too want to be independent and working on my own, and at the end of the day I will deliver the tasks that I was given to do. But, you can't expect me to be such a superwoman after only 8 days! I am learning but you got to give me more time! Seriously, I still need to be guided. And not just throw the work to me and expect me to be so genius to know everything. I'm sorry, but I'm just not that smart!

I'm not saying I can't work or I'm giving up. I'm just asking to give me more time to learn and catch up. I know I can handle the workload, but what I'm asking for is... time. Really. Give me time to know what is what and where is where and I'll be able to execute what is needed, on time. Please?

Jang Geun Suk Rocks!!!

I'm going to gush like some teenager despite my age but I just don't care! Jang Geun Suk is so so so so so so so awesome!!!! I worship the land he walks on! LOL! Over exaggerated?

The A.N.Jell-ic Jang Geun Suk!

Alright, as everyone knows I'm really a BIG fan of the Korean entertainment scene. Been following it like a cult member for about 9 years and my adoration for it just grew. The throngs of Korean celebrities that I admire just kept on increasing and the latest to add on to my list is this multi-talented Jang Geun Suk!

First caught him in the drama You're Beautiful where I was at first quite reluctant to watch it but, boy I'm so so so so glad I did. If not I will not discover this gem that's been hidden from my radar! His acting just blew me off, not to mention his good looks! He rocked the guyliner like no other! I can't think of any guy who looks REALLY good with the guyliner EXCEPT him. And in the drama, he totally owned the character! That shows how good is his acting skills. And that doesn't just stop there. Wait for it... HE SINGS TOO!!! His has this this deep, rich voice that can swallow me into his world once he starts singing. A guy who can act and sing, and is also really good looking? I'm TOTALLY SOLD!!

How cute can he be??? (pic courtesy of Rhythmland)

After I finished marathon-ing the drama, I had a Hwang Tae Kyung (his character in the drama) withdrawal syndrome. And I began my search to know more of Jang Geun Suk. I learnt that he can speak good basic English as he once studied in New Zealand for a short period of time and he can dance! Another add on to his talents. Also, initially the role of Gu Jun Pyo from Boys Over Flowers which propelled Lee Min Ho's stardom was at first offered to Jang Geun Suk! He was the first choice for that role but he turned it down to take on a much challenging role in another drama called Beethoven Virus. I've watched that drama and boy, did he proved how good his acting was. Kudos to him for wanting to keep on improving and challenging his acting skills. But at times, I do wonder how he will play the role of Gu Jun Pyo differently.

After my various search on him I realised that what made Jang Geun Suk really shine and much loved is he always exudes this honest, genuine and sincere personality. You can see from his dramas, movies, singing, showcases and live performances that he enthusiastically puts his best in delivering the best to his audience and fans. And you can see he truly enjoys what he does. And most of all, he is very appreciative towards his fans. He knows that because of his fans, he is able to stand on the stage, to be an influential star today.

So, when I heard Jang Geun Suk is on his Asian tour and one of the stops is Malaysia (thanks to my friend who informed me), I jumped with excitement wanting to catch him in action! Initially I only knew about the stop in Singapore and was considering to go to that one but because of the clash with my work schedule, I missed the chance. BUT, guess it is fated after all as my friend told me that he is coming to Malaysia! It is actually not really a concert as it is in much smaller scale. It was more of a fan meeting gathering that he specially dedicated to his fans in Asia.

On 4 June 2011, I caught my favourite idol Jang Geun Suk performed on stage LIVE and he is REAL GOOD! His singing is equally as good as what I hear in the recorded songs. That deep, rich voice really swallowed me on that night! And as he has good basic English, that made us feel much closer to him as he spoke to us. On stage he had this dynamism as he performed and entertained us. He was like a Duracell rabbit, full with energy and enthusiasm. What caught me totally off-guard was towards the end of the show. He showed another side of him that I briefly only knew. He introduced to us Lounge H's music. I read this before where in the university that he is studying there was once he was helping out with the school festival by organising a show with a group of friends. This show was called Lounge H - an all-night party with electronic music that he and his friends produced. And on that night, he brought Lounge H to us.

He can totally rap and DJ as well!!! And you can see he's one heck of a guy to bring to party with. At that point of time, I told myself I SO WANT TO PARTY WITH JANG GEUN SUK!!! It'll be THE MOST AWESOME PARTY, EVER!!! I totally, totally love the electronic music that Team H (him and his buddy, Big Brother) span and sang. Can't wait to get hold of their album which Big Brother promised, it'll be soon!

So, did I enjoy myself that night? YES!!! He is such an awesome performer and entertainer! Did my adoration and admiration for Jang Geun Suk grew by leaps and bounds after that night? YES!!! Is he as good looking in person as he is in the drama? YES!!! Does he exudes that genuine, sincere and honest personality that night? YES!!! He actually teared when he was giving his monologue. As this is his first time to Malaysia, he said it started of as a small show but it became a big one because of us, fans! It reminded him of his first fan meeting in Japan. He said he is big in Asia because of us! Now he knows why he can never get any rest and till he dies, he'll never stop!

Well, we weren't allow to take any photo or video during the show, unfortunately. But, can catch the full review here, here and here. and photos from here.

Jang Geun Suk, I'll always continue to support you!! And OK, I'm an EEL (he calls his fans "eels" because he loves to eat eel [unagi] very much and the word eel in Korean sounds like the korean words, 'belongs to Jang'). Hope to see you again, Jang Geun Suk. Cri, cri, cri!! OK, another info... he uses and names his show Cri because he likes the English word "critical" and he wants to show his critical side in everything he does (alright, something along this line la!). I think something like how I like the word "irony" and applied it to my nickname - missironic. :)

Goodbye-cri! For now. Till we meet again! :D